A Dog’s Blog

Our renovated tent!

Sorry this is all taking so long to tell… but you know I can’t just say we went to the farm and that was that. Stuff happened!

Alpha raided the garage and got us a nice piece of black plastic that covered our whole tent – no more leaks. Made it a bit hot during the day but was better than getting wet at night. Not that the nasty Thunderdog limited his roaring to night time.

I had awesome fun – there were so many children to play ball with. Discovered Herman had thoughtfully left his rugby ball in the flower bed for me. Had a great time chasing it around. Mind you, he was not impressed with the pretty tooth mark patterns I made. Ungrateful brat.

We went down to the river. This time I knew what moving water was all about. Leapt in and waded around. Had a bit of a swim when my little paws lost contact with the ground. Mom stood on the bank watching anxiously. After all the rain the river was flowing fast and she was worried I might get washed away to another farm.

Em kept throwing stones into the river for me to catch. But they disappeared before I could reach them – she made them hop and skip across the water like insects.

The only irritating thing was those other snacks that kept hanging around. Mom explained to me that I had to share the humans. In fact Alpha’s parental agents belong to the snacks and not to me. What hooey! I continued to curl my lip and show my fearsome fangs if I noticed them getting too close.

There was one particularly cheeky little mutt called Zorro. Shame. Thought he should have rather been called Sorrow – his nose was all squished into his face. Mom said he was supposed to look like that. Eish! Anyway – he was always sidling up, staring at me with his one popping eye and trying to take hups out of my furry backside. Very inhospitable of him!

Every now and then I dashed up to Mom or Alpha and smiled at them. Thanks for bringing me to the farm. I’d lavish some slobbery licks on whatever bit of their bods I could get and then go play again. Such fun.

Except… one night it was not such fun at all. When we’d all gone to bed it was not raining. The Thunderdog was behaving himself.  Half way through the night he started howling like a banshee. My prickly whiskers. Leapt out of my baskie and tried to get under the bed.

BUT… there was no space under the bed. No space at all. Dashed around the tent panting and panicking. Slobbered a lot. Mom patted her side of the bed and said I could get under the duvet with her. Tried it but no… did not work.  Thought maybe I’d scrabble my way out of the tent and find another safer place.  Like under something you know.

Mom disagreed. It’s pouring outside Fudges, she said. You are not going anywhere. She pulled my baskie up right next to her nose.

Unwillingly climbed aboard.  Looked at her. Don’t be ridiculous – this won’t work. She pushed me down and covered my head up with a towel.

Pretend you are under the bed Fudgie!

She hugged me close. Was a bit odd to be sleeping at the same level as mom. I shook and shivered but at least couldn’t see all the lightning flashes. The noise was just as loud but somehow it was better knowing that mom was right there, holding on to me.

The farm was fun but I tell you – was glad when we got home and I had a bed to scuttle under when I could smell a storm coming. 

Making sure those snacks don't get into our tent.

Remember…  we’re talking about my  visit to The Farm in the Eastern Cape…

My woggledy whiskers – am quite certain the Thunderdog is bigger and louder at the farm. Even sitting under the dining room table, which let me tell you is no ordinary dining room table – there was a forest of legs under there – I could hear every rumble and shudder.

Gave mom the nose again. Oi! Let’s go home. Now.

Mom of course thought I was tired and just wanted to sleep. 

We’re going to the tent now-now Fudges, she said, giving my ears a rumple. Cozied up to her leg – no ways was she going without me.  

Ages later (“now-now” my furry backside) Mom and Alpha said goodnight to everybody.

We got to the front door. All three of us stood there and dismally checked out the pouring rain. Alpha, good man that he is, decreed he would go first and unzip the tent. I went second and mom pulled up the rear. We all dived inside. I jumped onto their baskie and rolled around, trying to dry myself off before I got into my own bed.

FUDGIE! Yelled Mom in capital letters. OFF THE BED!

Smirked a bit. Too late.  But then realized I felt like I was wetter than before. Mom patted their duvet. All wet and squidgy.

Think our tent is leaking, she squeaked in outrage.

Nah – Alpha replied. It’s just wet from that darn dog rolling around on it. 

Mom felt a bit more. Erm… nope, think it’s a bit wetter than that.  There were great puddles of water sloshing around on the floor too.  We all trekked back inside. Luckily Lolla and Mike had not arrived yet so we could go sleep in the caravan.

Em and Sean were staying in the tent attached to the caravan.  They were also sitting on the bed looking at their tenty ceiling. It looked like a great big preggy tummy – full of water.

I tell you, it took a lot of to-ing and fro-ing inside before we were all settled in for the night.  There was also a lot of giggling and whispering. My furry bod was squished under the bed, not a lot of space but at least it was dry. 

Heard mom tell Alpha that he must have missed a flap somewhere when he was closing the tent up. Alpha replied in his most snotty professor voice – I. DID. NOT. MISS. A. FLAP.

Mom sighed – could tell she did not completely believe him.

The rain continued to pour down and the wind raged.  Realized half way through the night that I’d missed my nightly widdle. Tried to knuip but eventually had no option but to breathe in mom’s ear.

Upsie daisy!

She groaned and whinged but groveled around and found the nifty little torch. Who knew unzipping canvas in the silent night would make such a noise.  Luckily it had stopped raining but the ground was squelchy and sodden. Dashed off to do my business. Mom came outside with me. We saw that the other poor tent had half fallen down.

Went back into the caravan. Jumped onto their bed chop chop to dry my paws off.

Amazing how that Alpha can be fast asleep in the middle of the night but still knows if I sneak onto their bed.

Off Fudgie! He barked at me. Slunk off, went back under the teensy bed. 

The tweety birds and bleating sheep woke us all up. Really early. Even Em pulled the blankets off her head and got up.

In the daylight, we finally found out what had happened to the tent. The hail had ripped lots of little holes in the see-through plastic at the top of the tent.  No wonder it rained inside!

Alpha groaned… we were going to have to do some serious tent fixing.

Hroof! That looks like an interesting smell!

One day Alpha took out a great big piece of material and laid it out on the grass. Whoof hroof. What fun.  Took a flying leap and jumped on it.

Off Fudges! He said in his professor voice.

So I retreated under the table to sulk for a bit and see what was going to happen next.

They foofled with it for a while. Magically it turned into a huge kennel. Stuck my head in the doorway.

Looked at mom – what’s this then?

It’s a tent Fudgie. When we go to the farm we are going to sleep in it. The house is too full of other people.

My woggledy whiskers! How cool.  Now if only we could hurry up and get to the farm.

They started piling things up around the doorway. Sat next to all the stuff in case they forgot to pack me in too. Mom said I was a neurotic little woofa – no ways were they going to forget me. Hah! Wasn’t taking any chances.

They kept coming and going and adding to the pile. Each time I’d get more anxious and shed millions of hairs all over the place. One night they came back and brought my boy. Slobbered on his feet and sniffed in his stuff. Hullo you! Smiled at him. He smiled back.

Early next morning there was a lot of activity when we should have all been snoozing.

Mom took my baskie downstairs and added it to the pile. I plonked on the grass outside and supervised while Alpha packed all the stuff in the car.  Luan and I were sharing the backseat. Alpha had made my baskie nice and high so I could see out of the window.

It started to rain as we drove out the gate.

Yuk! Said mom – hope it’s not like this all the way. Hate driving in the rain.

Odd! She wasn’t driving at all – so wasn’t sure why she was whining. Turns out the farm was far away – 8 hours driving – which mom and Alpha shared. So she did actually get to drive in the rain for a bit too.

Luan was a seat hog – even tried to sleep on my baskie at one stage. He’s not a small boy anymore and is quite heavy. Licked his ear. Oi! Move over.

We had lots of wee stops. Got out to stretch my legs and have a quick sniff. Then leapt back in again incase they went off without me.

After a very very long time we arrived. Lots of people came running to the gate – including some snippy four-legged snacks.  The little person was there, but so were my Em and Grandma plus Alpha’s parental agents. Chunky chop bones! So many familiar smells I didn’t know who to slobber on first.

Mom and Alpha unpacked the car and put up the tent in a hurry. The sky was black and everybody was worried it was going to rain. Our tent stood next to another tent attached to a caravan. Em and Sean were sleeping in the other tent. There was talk of Lolla and Mike sleeping in the caravan but I had not smelt them yet.

Moldy meatballs. The whole dang fandamily!

Alpha pumped up a nice big fat baskie.

For me? Noooo Fudgie – not for you – for us humans to sleep on. Mom plonked my baskie next to theirs. That’s for you!

Pwah! No fair.

But I had the last laugh – turned out their big baskie leaked all the air out and my own baskie was a lot softer to sleep on.

Later on it did rain. Little chilly ice blocks plummeted from the sky and the thunder dog roared louder than ever. Sat under the dining room table between mom’s feet – shivering and shaking like crazy.

Gave her the nose – I’ve had enough of the farm – let’s go home!

Its a dogs life I tell you

My tickly toenails! The humans are back to messing with my head!

You know how that Em moved to Cape Town and we only see her once in a blue moon? Well, I’d claimed her room for my own furry self.  Actually,  sneaky old Looseyfur first figured it out, but once I twigged the view from that room was pretty good, decided to hang out there too.

For starters, there was a nice comfy squishy double bed-slash-baskie. Could stretch out. Roll around, take up all the space instead of being relegated to the bottom bit of the bed like I am with Alpha and mom. Unless Alpha has gone away on business, then I get to stretch out and smooch right alongside mom.

Back to my room with a view… I could lie in comfort and spy on the neighbours. Not the boring ones that you can see from the balcony – other ones with little people.  

Even if the balcony door was shut I could still see out, bark, whine, and generally behave appallingly when the parental agents were out.  Could also see when the car tootles up, charge down the stairs in time to smile and wag at the front door like an excellent hound.

The only thing that gave my sneaky little secret away was a layer of hair on the duvet.   And maybe mom might have spotted my furry face at the window once or twice.

Yesterday they started behaving in an extremely odd manner. For starters they moved the black blinky box that used to perch on moms desk to up on top of the bookshelf by the TV. Then Alpha wandered around upstairs with his laptop, measuring something, behaving in a very professor pantsy fashion indeed.

Once he was satisfied that signals reached where they were supposed to, mom started messing with my nice squishy double bed.

Looked at her… Oi! Where are you going with that?  Bring it back! I don’t mess with your baskie, do I?

Gave Alpha the nose. Make her stop.

They both ignored me.

Followed them all the way downstairs… outside… where they stashed my bed in the garage.

Thereafter followed a lot of moving, hefting, yelling at me to get out of the way before I got squashed, trapping up and down the stairs.  Turns out that mom was sick and tired of squatting in a corner of the lounge, and was claiming a whole room (my room!) as an office for herself.   Now what I’d like to know is where on earth am I supposed to park off.

Okay – can put my paws on the window ledge and squizz out – but it requires effort.

Worse, when her workstation was in the lounge I had a choice of chairs to laze on. Now there is only hard floor.  I’m forced to go around the corner into their room and lie on their bed instead.  Then I can check out the complex and keep an eye on her office door, in case she tries to escape.

I tell you… it’s a dog’s life!

PS – Hope that Christmas stuff is good for you all. Or have a happy holiday anyway.

I will believe that when I sniff it!

 The other day, on our morning walk, I spotted a little person. Bounded up and had a sniff. Awww… pity – was not my little person.  So I walked away. But then thought to my furry self… better go back and check, just in case.  Silly really, because our snouts do not lie.

Mom had to give me a prod and remind me that we still had weemail to do. 

In an effort to feel better I snuck up to the Snacks garden door and gave it a bash with my paw. Hroof hrooof, that really had them yapping and yowling. The funny thing is with those Snacks – they both try to get their snippy snouts through the crack in the door and then end up snapping and yelling at each other, instead of me. It’s such fun. We’ve come to the conclusion they hear my toenails going clickty clack on the paving and assume the stance. So if we stay on the grass (which admittedly mom does not always fancy because it means squeezing between a thorny plant and the lamppost which usually involves spider’s webs) we can sneak up on them. Just have to watch out for their meanie critter of a cat. He’s likely hide behind their flower pots and lash out at me when we’ve finish causing mischief.

Around the corner is another terrier type snack – but it is an only dog like me.  It has the whole crack in the door to itself. Can bark, yap and carry on alarmingly, but that is all. Not half so much fun to mess with his head. Or maybe it’s a her. Mom always has chats to it when we walk past. “Hey little dog” she says in a nice deep voice. (She once read that when humans talk to us dogs in high pitched squeaky voices we perceive them to be unstable and in turn we get agitated.)  Its’ human was standing on the balcony the other day, shaking his head. Seems like I’m not the only one who thinks mom is crazy.

Turns out we will probably be going to the farm for that Christmas stuff this year.  Mom says that my little person will also be there. I’ll have to believe that when I see it with my very own beautiful brown eyes. And sniff it with my trusty brown snout.

Which reminds me… I’m very fed up with how often my fellow dogs are getting mistreated and abused. Or lost. Or left behind when people move. We dogs have feelings too you know.  Don’t even think about going away over the festive period unless you have made plans for your furry family. If you are not taking them with you, book them into the hound hotel. If somebody is going to look after them for you – make damn sure that person is responsible and trustworthy. It’s not okay to just go away and leave us locked up in a yard. It’s cruel and illegal too.

Remember, we love you guys, even if you are mean to us sometimes.

You are our family.

Oi! You! Skinny mutt! What are you doing in there?

Lately mom and Alpha have been quite good humans (apart from messing with my head last week that is!).

We’ve been going for regular walks. Not in the Nature Reserve – but we found a large field closer to home. It’s not such a long walk – which means we don’t all have to get up at the crack of dawn on the weekend when it’s hot. Plus, on a good day, if I’m lucky, don’t have to schlep the humans on the leash the whole time. Can run around, sniff and wee to my heart’s content.  If I’m sneaky, I can even run ahead and sniff the smelly bins a bit before mom whinges.

Of course, sometimes there are other dogs walking their humans. Like the other day we spotted Benji the Basset trotting along with Cara and Homer. In case you’ve forgotten – those are Pete the Publisher’s hounds. (Except Pete only walks if it involves golf clubs.) It’s Benji’s mom who gets to do all the walking.  Had a darn good bristle when I saw my mom go up and let Benji slobber on her. Traitor!

We do put the leash on when we spot other walkers – just so that nobody stresses.   Have this fearsome ridge that pops up whenever I come across another mutt. Specially when it’s a cheeky snack that tries to sniff my butt. Can’t help it. Tend to go into defense mode. Of course, mom making jokes like… Be good Fudgie, you’ve already had your breakfast – does not help.

Occasionally Alpha remembers to bring along one of my balls.  Really get a quality workout then – back and forth and back again. He used to toss the ball up ahead of where we were trotting. I’d charge up, grab it, then wait for them in a nice shady spot. But lately that Alpha has been a bit sneaky himself. He tosses the ball backwards – have no choice but to dash off, fetch it, then run back to catch up with them.

No slacking off, waiting in shady spots for me.

Last week we were on our way back to the car – when I heard a pathetic little whine.

Looked around. Nothing. Not a pooch in sight. Not even another poochless human in sight.

Squeezed out a last bit of weemail before dashing after the ball.

Heard the noise again. Another pathetic whisper of a whimper. Mom and I went looking for the noise.  We got right up close to the wall – still nothing to see.

Then we noticed a little nose sticking out of a pipe.  My woggledy whiskers! Did you ever? There was a little head to go with the nose too – checking us out with beady eyes.  Clearly this mini-mutt has his own sneaky vantage point. Not really a very good one – admittedly. A bit low – specially if the dudes have not mowed the grass. But this was a just-mowed day and the view was obviously pretty good.

Softie old mom goes and has a chat to the pesky critter. Just to check that he’s okay and was not stuck in the pipe. Clearly not. When we walked passed he gave up with his pathetic little whines and let rip with a volley of sharp little barks instead. Shame – he was probably green with envy – him being in his yard and all whilst we were gamboling around in the field.

Luckily Alpha had his cell phone with him and could take a picture for you all to see. I’m good hey – sharing my furry limelight with an unknown mutt.

Hope he gets to take his humans for a walk every now and then too.

Shame on you Alpha - messing with my head!

Sometimes mom and Alpha like to mess with my head.

We all start walking down the stairs together – I hop, skip and jump ahead, just like I usually do. Suddenly look behind me. Nobody. Silence. Nothing there at all.

That’s odd. What happened to them? Wait for a while at the bottom of the stairs, thinking that maybe mom just forgot something like she usually does and went back to fetch it.  She’s a bit scatty sometimes. Drives a little doglet nuts… but then what happened to Alpha?

Hmmm….

So hoppity skippty jump back up the stairs I go again. Trot down the passage, into the bedroom. Empty. Bathroom…. also empty. Go into Em’s old room, leap onto the bed and look out of the window in case there is anything interesting to see.

Nothing.

Go into Luan’s room and there they are, giggling like naughty children. Hiding away from me behind the door. I smile and wag thinking that they’ve gone a bit mad.

Look at them. Well! Come on then, what are you waiting for. Let’s go. Walk time.

They follow me out of the room and down the passage. Can you believe it… when I round the corner of the stairs… they do it again. Run away and hide. But hah! This time I know where to look for them.

Or maybe not.  Went straight to Luan’s room. Nobody there. Eventually found them in the bathroom, standing in the bath.

Turned my big brown eyes on Alpha. Really! Honestly! What nonsense is this? Shake my head in disgust. Thought you were a lot bigger than this.  Mom I can understand – she’s crazy at the best of times, but I’d have expected more from you Mr Professor Pants!

We actually manage to get downstairs the third time, all of us, together. 

Did my door dance…

Alpha looks at me. “What you want Fudges?”

Looked back at him… know for sure I heard that word “walk” mentioned plus you are here – so it means we all get into the car and go off to the field for a walk.

“Nope Fudges,” he tells me. “You heard wrong. Mom and I are going out. You are staying here and guarding the house. On your chair!”

Luckily mom is too soft hearted – she ruffles my ears and says “No worries Fudgie – Alpha is just being a meanie man – we are all going for a walk.”  She grabs my leash from the wall where it hangs and opens up the front door. 

I charge outside before they can change their minds. Alpha opens the back door and I leap into the car. Mom was just about in herself when she says “Oh wait – we need water.”  She dashes back inside and fills up the bottles that we keep in the car.

As we’re finally leaving I notice that wretched Brucie had crawled out from under mom’s car where he hangs out and was sitting next to some bushes – looking a bit rumpled. 

Mom calls out of the window to him, “You can go and have a daytime snack Bruce – Fudge is not there to bother you!”

I told you she was crazy.

Just smile and wag folks...

You know… these humans are an odd lot! One minute our house is bursting at the seams, there’s loads of excitement and the next – it’s emptier than my food bowl when I’ve scarfed it all down!  Just me and boring old mom left. Even Alpha went missing for a few days. 

True, my little heart did go pitty pat for a few seconds when mom took out one of the wheelie boxes and started loading stuff into it. Then noticed it was from Alpha’s side of the cupboard.  Sjoe!

It’s not that I have favourites or anything, but mom tends to feed me more regularly than Alpha does. She also hangs out around the house – unlike Alpha who goes off to work every day. Plus… she talks to me. Don’t always understand what she’s blabbering on about, but generally get the gist of the conversation.

When there are only the two of us – she tends to babble more prolifically.

Of course, I just smile and wag. Have learnt that’s the best way to deal with most situations in life. Smile and wag. 

Mind you… if the word “walk” features anywhere in the conversation… I smile, wag and dash to the door.  Look at her.  Come on then. Move your butt. Time’s awasting. Might do one of my attractive little twirly dancing pig moves in front of the door too, if I’m feeling extra energetic. 

Same goes for the word “ball”. Smile, wag and dash for the ball.

Oh oh! Not where I left it last. Frantic amounts of sniff sniffing reveal that the sneaky little devil has rolled under the couch.  This necessitates some wagging and whinging.  Mom is not always that snappy either. She waves back, says I’ll get it for you now-now Fudgie… now-now can be a really long time.

Then there’s “come on”. This could mean any number of things. Come on we are going upstairs. Or come on, let’s go for a walk. Then there is okay come on – let’s get in the car and go to the shop. When she says come on – I get to my feet, smile and wag expectantly.

Another one I understand perfectly is “I’m going”.  Again, this could mean all sorts of different stuff.  I’m going to the loo – we dash upstairs and I lie on their bed and check out the world through the open balcony door.  Or maybe I’m going to the shops. Whilst this does not always directly involve my own furry knickers, it does mean that I may get a treat – like delicious bacon rollies… yum.  

Of course if it’s “I’m going to hang out the washing…” then I dash off and find my ball. There’s a darn good chance that she might have a play with me whilst we are out there. Sometimes I hear the word “washing” and it actually means we are going upstairs to put it away.

“Dinner” is a good one.  As in… do you want your dinner Fudges?  A perfectly stupid question but a definite case of smile and wag!

Finally – there’s “go wee” which really means it’s time for us to go to bed now Fudgie-wena.

Chunky chop bones! When I check out all these words I realize I’m one heck of a smart little doglet. No wonder mom talks to me – I do understand!

Come on little person... play with me!

Last week mom pulled one of her cleaning moves. In Luan’s room too! Figured it was a tad intensive for Luan himself – he usually just gets a bit of a sweep. This clean involved the noisy yellow slurpy thing and buckets of water.  Got more confuzzled when she put a nice comfy baskie for me on the floor next to the bed. Before I could even sniff it or put one paw on it – she said sorry Fudgie – that’s not your baskie!  It’s for another little person.

My tickly toenails.  Since when do little people sleep in baskies?

Turns out she was not kidding. There was not only one little person but an even smaller person too. One that did not walk – just lay around on a very nice blankie with all sorts of delicious stuff attached to it. Or sat in a big bright tube-type thing – also adorned with lots of delicious bits and bobs.

Mom took me to one side and said that I was not allowed to snarf one single thing. Not even a teensy tiny little bit of fluff. The toys belonged to the children and were not mine. They would be very VERY sad if I stole their stuff.

I looked at her. Are you sure? Not even that one with the little dingly bits on it?

She shook her head. Nope Fudgie-wena. Not even that.  And you mustn’t wash his face for him either, although it’s very kind of you to offer.

Awwww…  No fair. 

She did let me lick the tweeny person’s toes though. And when nobody was looking I slobbered quick stix on other bits of him that were sticking out. He was pretty slobbery all by himself – so don’t think anybody noticed. Thought mom gave him a wee bit too much attention on occasions, specially when he lay on his back and kicked his legs in the air.  So I lay down on the other side of him and did the same. She tickled my tum and told me I was a beeoootiful woofa.

Erk! Baby language! Did you ever?

The other slightly bigger little person was not too shabby either. Although she sucked worse than mom when it came to chucking balls, and half the time she actually tried to steal my balls and hide them away. She was, however, quite willing to play with me for considerable periods of time. We romped around and around on the grass. I humored her and charged after the little dribbly balls that she threw as if my life depended on it. Let her play with my tyre too.

True… did eye out her nice looking Thumper bunny rabbit once or twice, but the hairy eyeball mom shot at me deterred me from doing anything else.

Must say – such little people are rather noisy. They did a lot of barking between them – even when I was trying to catch some shut-eye. Although when they were having a nap their mom looked at me skeef if I so much as cleared my throat to have a wee bark at the snacks going for a walk outside.

Sadly, after four days, they packed up all their cool stuff up and left. The only thing that stayed behind was a pair of socks that say “Tuesday”.  Clearly somebody is going to be sockless on Tuesdays from now on. Thought perhaps I could chew those  – but naaah! Alpha put them up on the chest of drawers.

I looked at mom – why don’t we get our own little person for me to play with?

Mom screeched out laughing – not a chance Fudges! But we’ll consider getting you a furry friend soon. A Christmas pressie for you.

Quick mom - get rid of this ant!

Generally I am not a nosey girl. Well sure, sometimes mom will say… Hey Fudges – get your nose out of that packet – when I get a bit too energetic checking out the stuff that she has brought home and almost help myself to a nibble or two.

Or she might have said – Oi Fudgie-wena! Don’t think Looseyfur appreciates your nose up his backside! I would look at her reproachfully and think – well now how in the hell would you know what he appreciates or not? I’m just checking out what he’s been up to. 

She might even say… Fudges! What are you doing with your nose in the bin?… when I’m trying to snarf nice bits of used tissue or other interesting stuff.

The other day, however, I came a bit of a cropper. 

Mom and I went for our morning weemail. Normally I let her off the leash for the first bit. I like to walk between the wall and the rose bushes and she doesn’t. Mainly because there are lots of spider webs and ooegy things that get stuck in her hair and waft around her face. 

Down at my level, there’s nothing much to bother me.

So we compromise. She walks on the road and I walk in between the bushes. Much better sniff value and no whinging. Then we join up together again at the bottom of the road, just before we get to the snacks house.

Anyway… we were trapping along, sniff sniff here, wee wee there. Here a sniff, there a wee…. when I came to an interesting looking blob.

Not Hadedah poop you understand. Those are more like splats and I can recognize the smell from meters away.

Careful! Said mom.

Why? Looks all nice and smelly and really good to stick my nose into.

Rather not Fudges, said mom. In fact… I wouldn’t if I were you.

Of course, I know mom does not always know best so I stuck my nose in it. Right into the middle of it.

Eeeooooow! Took it out again in a hurry.

Turned out that the blob was a little bird’s egg that had plummeted to earth in the wind and splattered.  But it was covered in these meanie big army ants.  The type that reach up and sink their pinchers into you.

In my case, several of them latched onto my lovely velvety nose.

Wiped my nose around on the grass in an effort to dislodge them. Most fell off but there was still one very tenacious critter hanging on for dear life. Pinching my delicate little snout for all his meanie worth.

Did a little dance with some really complicated moves to try and get rid of it. Nothing doing. Looked at mom. Oi! Some assistance would be nice!

By this time the wretched woman had recovered from her giggly-snorty-gloaty fit and offered to help.

She delicately picked the nasty clingy little beast out of my nostril. Think it took a good amount of me with it too.

Rubbed my snout with my paw.  Yoweee – that was not nice. Not nice at all.

Yah Fudges, said mom – some times I do know better than you huh?